At it again or how not to go to Mars


New member
Feb 18, 2010
Reaction score
(Aboard the ISS a couple of weeks later we find Charlie looking at a Monitor with great interest. Boris joins him.)

Boris: "OK, why the evil grin?"

Charlie: "He's at it again."

Boris: "The rookie pilot who shot past us Vertically going up and down cursing all the while? I won money with that bet that he would get it into a orbit and you didn't think so."

(Charlie glares at Boris for a second and then looks back)

Charlie: "Yes, him and he's taking things all up to a new level of insanity this time!"

Boris: "Oh? What with this time?"

Charlie: "Space 1999 Eagle S-3 ....... and he's shooting for Mars."

(Boris's eyebrows shot up and then back down.

Boris: "You get the popcorn ready. I'll setup a live feed down to Earth."

Charlie: "Live feed? To whom? NASA?"

Boris: "Of course, as well as Tru-tv, and HBO. This should qualify as Pay per view. If all else fails, ABC. I figure he's got a shot at America's funniest videos and we could use the budget boost if he wins."

(A few minutes later we find our commentators relaxing in a couple of chairs with beverages and snacks handy)

Charlie: "Well, it looks like he's learned a couple of things since earlier. He got to earth orbit fine and even managed to make it circular. He's also set him self up with unlimited fuel. This should be good."

Boris: "Yeah, although one problem I've noticed in his setting up his orbit."

Charlie: "What's that?"

Boris: "Does that ship have retros? I see him using the mains, and the control thrusters but no Retros."

Charlie: "I'm not sure if the ship does have retros or not. Looks like he doesn't know either so he's gonna do it the old fashioned way."

Boris: "Flip, burn then flip?"

Charlie: "Yep."

(After a few minutes of watching the Eagle doing somersaults as our Pilot adjusts his orbit)

Boris: "ok, he's got it. Let's wave as he goes by us. Is he going to attempt a docking?"

Charlie: "Nah. He doesn't know where the dock is located on the ship or it it even has a dock. Let's just hope that he doesn't accidently detach that pod anywhere near us. That would hurt!"

Boris: "What do you mean accidentally? I think a part of him would love to try to nail us with it on purpose."

Charlie: "Why would he want to do that?"

Boris: "You giggled the last time he tried to dock."

Charlie: "Oh yeah, there was that. Anyway what's he doing now?"

Boris: "Not much. Just cruising around in orbit as if waiting for something. Wait a minute. Ah yes."

Charlie: "yes?"

Boris: "He sees Mars and has lined up the front of the ship and is pouring on the Gravs!"

(Our two commentators lean forwards to look more closely at the Monitor)

Charlie: "You got telemetry from his ship?"

Boris: "Da. For insurance purposes."

Charlie: "We've got insurance?"

Boris: "Best we can get. But we gotta find the body first."

Charlie: "OK, he's screaming along now and has engaged the Time acceleration. Wow! He's really cranking it up high!"

Boris: "He wants to get there quickly. There's two things he's forgotten though."

Charlie: "Eh?"

Boris: "He accidentally left the thrusters on MAX and Mars is a moving target."

Charlie: "Hoo boy."

Boris: "I think he's just realized his errors. He's cut off the engines and the Time acceleration.

What's his speed at this point?"

Charlie: "Over 300 maybe 350. There is no way."

Boris: "He's trying anyway. Flipped the ship and has the mains going like crazy trying to slow down."

Charlie: "Yep, he's just shot past Mars .... the asteroid belt ..... Jupiter ..... Saturn..... There, now he's stopped so far out that even Jupiter and Saturn has gone off the scope and all he can see is the Sun."

Boris: "Just a bit off target."

(later on)

Charlie: "Just got a signal from him. He used the sun as a navigation back and now he can see Saturn and Jupiter. He's gonna head to Saturn while he's in the area and try to take some nice pics and then head onto Jupiter."

Boris: "That's one way to salvage a mission. Pull a 'While I'm here maneuver'"

Charlie: "Looks like he's learning. Burn, flip, Burn again to stop. He's not using any MFDs at all except for the Orbit MFD and he's got that Keyed into Saturn right now."

Boris: "I agree. He's learning. For a Pilot with all the attention span of a Ferret he seems to be working by feel. See, he only shot past Saturn twice now but by decreasing amounts."

(after some wild acrobatics)

Charlie: "Ok, he's achieved Saturn orbit and we are getting a report from him."

Boris: "What does it say?"

Charlie: "He's not happy with the angle of his orbit. The pics aren't photogenic enough. So he's gonna try something."

Boris: "Not something he saw in a cartoon right?"

Charlie: "Naw, even he knows better. He knows that burning while Prograde or retrograde will increase or decrease his orbit right?"

Boris: "Da, so what?"

Charlie: "He's gonna try to flip the ship 90 degrees and fire the engines and see if he can change his angle of inclination that way."

Boris: "And if it changes it the wrong way?"

Charlie: "Then he flips it 180 and tries again."

(after several minutes of watching some ship flips and burns)

Charlie: "Well, that worked. Now he's got some better pics to send us.

Boris: "He does realize that all he had to do was deploy the external camera (External view), key it on his ship and rotate his ship and the planet will rotate correct?"

(Sound of banging forehead comes from the speakers)

Charlie: "I think he does now. (Grin)"

(later on)

Boris: "He's left Saturn and is now heading to Jupiter."

Charlie: "Flip and Burn?"

Boris: "Da"

(several flips and burns later)

Boris: "Good. This time he didn't go shooting past his target."

Charlie: "There's hope yet for him. Let's watch him come into the Jupiter area,"

Boris: "He's lined up nicely and blasting to slow himself town. Using a delicate touch, I think he's going for a Orbit all at one shot!"

Charlie: "Looks like it, his ECC is dropping .... it's almost there .... WHAT WAS THAT BIG THING THAT WENT FLASHING RIGHT PAST THE WINDSHIELD??!!"

Boris: "Titan I think. That would have been bad, smeared by Titan on you way to orbit."

Charlie: "He's rattled but he's continuing. ECC dropping ... dropping ... dropping ... there, ECC less than 1.0 He can work with that."

Boris: "ok, let me see if I understand everything that just happened, he flies backwards into a orbit with Jupiter and almost gets smeared by Titan along the way?"

Charlie: "Pretty much yes. Oh by the way, he's transmitting a couple of nice pics for us. He says something about them being in his member gallery."

Boris: "I think he's gonna take a breather for now. We'll have to keep an eye on what he does next.


Charlie: "Oh yes."


Thanks for reading. Pics are in my member gallery.


Wait. Titan is one of Saturn's moons?
And he would of just been ripped out of orbit if he went by Titan?


New member
Feb 18, 2010
Reaction score
In that case, I have no idea what it was that went whizzing by me. I was too busy trying to slow down at the time. I hadn't slowed down enough to achieve orbit at that point. It was fly backwards, fire the engines and hope it's enough.(chuckle)