PhantomCruiser
Wanderer
My thoughts on the movie “Battleship”; from a battleship sailor…
When I first heard that there was a movie to be released about my old ship I thought to myself “Dang, Michael Bay’s going to ruin another one…” I assumed that if I were to watch it in theatres that I’d need double hearing protection and a few shots in me to assist in the suspension of belief in order to make it through the entire movie. For these reasons I elected to skip it entirely and wait until I could watch it on Netflix.
As it happens on of the guys brought it in to work during my weekend. Note: I don’t make it a habit to goof off and watch movies while at work, but on weekends we are here for rep coverage only (no maintenance); mainly to provide backup should the fecal matter hit the oscillating/rotational cooling mechanism.
I wasn’t that thrilled to hear what had been brought in. Honestly I thought I’d much rather see “Kentucky Fried Movie” again, but that’s what was available. As I found out Michael Bay didn’t have anything to do with this project, so there’s one for the “plus” column.
It started out pretty routine, with a few comedic moments tossed in just to set the character of “Hopper”. Liam Neeson needed a haircut. I also thought it was a bit strange to see Skarsgaard walking around in the daylight (and without vampire teeth no less).
Anyway…
Aliens arrive during Rimpac exercises and chaos ensues. Finally they get around to the old girl, I haven’t seen her since they turned her into a museum, but I plan to do so this fall. For the most part (to use some Mythbusterisms) what happened was plausible, but not feasible. Mighty Mo’ took a crew of 1600 sailors. Being what this is, we can drop 600 or so from deck division (deck division motto “If it moves, salute it, if it doesn’t move, paint it). You need deck to maintain the ship, not necessarily fight it. There was also a small army (navy?) of boiler techs and machinist mates to get her moving, not to mention the unnamed myriad ratings that make up the men of a warship afloat. The “old guys” showing up to save the day says something that’s probably true. After leaving the NAVY 15 years ago, if I found myself in the position to do so (in “real-life”), I’d do it in a heartbeat (kiss the wife, tell her we got to go kick some butt, walk across the Quarterdeck and get busy.
What did it for me was the nostalgia of seeing my old ship, coupled with knowing EXACTLY where the filming was taking place whenever they were aboard. As AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” was playing, Hopper is looking down a familiar passage known to us as Broadway. From broadway you have access to all the engine rooms, boiler and fire rooms. What a keen eye would pick up on it the thing that looks suspiciously like an “I” beam running down Broadways length. That’ll be important later…
Hopper makes his way onto the bridge via the starboard bridge wing (navigators station) walks around behind the “Citadel” (round compartment with the massive armored door, out onto the port bridge wing, aft and up a ladder. From here he passes back to the starboard side (again behind the Citadel and onto the O-5 level Bridge (flying bridge) just in time to see a wave come over the bullnose. I’ve made that very same trip 100 times or more (I’ve ducked too when I was up there, they almost got the “ thump” sound right when that happens, it needed a lot more bass).
The only real problem I had was when they were moving the shell from turret 3 to turret 1 (why didn’t they go to 2, it was closer). That “I” beam I mentioned earlier? That’s why it’s there. It’s a quite simple evolution to use a nearby jib-crane to hoist the bullet (there is a sling for just that purpose) up to that I-beam and 2 guys can hustle it down Broadway to the next turret. They had mentioned that it weighed “more than 1000 lbs”; well it they were right, it does; quite a bit more, actually. That was a 2700 lb round of high explosive that they were trying to man-handle down the wrong passageway to get to the turret. It takes 6 silk bags of powder (each bag weighs 110 lbs) to lob said HE round a distance of 27 miles. To make it go that far, they’ve also got to send it to an altitude of approximately 36,000 feet.
Another slight nit-pick; the order to drop the port-side anchor to slew the ship around so her broadside could engage. I want to say that it wouldn't work like that, anymore... I say anymore because it has been done, during the Revolutionary War (I believe). I'm having a mental block as to which battle specifically, but the "turn-on-anchor" maneuver was done in naval history, and I think by John Paul Jones. When I get a chance I'll scour "them internets" to find more specifics. Dropping the anchor would be easy enough, a guy hits the "pelican" with a mallet and the jaws open to let the chain go free. Stopping the anchor is another matter entirely, it takes a team of guys on the anchor windlass to stop the movement so another poor sod can reset the pelican. The mistake in the movie is to let the chain go free, that last "shot" of chain is painted red, if the crew sees red chain coming up, a smart person would run, quickly. A "hero" would jump on the windlass to try to stop it. This happened to us on the New Jersey in '98 in Thailand, and the guy got a Navy Achievemant Medal out of it. The reason for the drama is that that much energy (the departing the chain) released would whip the chain around and beat the crap out of the foc'sul (and kill any person it touched along the way). That being said, I'm more than willing to ignore this, just because it was such a cool maneuver to pull.
I’ve heard a lot of the “haters” talk about how obsolete the old girl is. True, that her kind has been replaced by the modern carriers as the “Capital” ship of the fleet. But consider this; her armor belt is 27 ½ inches thick, as is the front bulkhead of her 16” turrets. She’s got a double hull construction, nine 16” guns that will tear the crap out of anything in range, plus the 5” gun mounts (6 barrels per side) that the movie totally ignored. The reload time of a 16” was just under 30 seconds, the 5 inchers could lay down almost 6 rounds per minute. Let’s not forget to mention that she carried the very same Harpoons (16) and Tomahawks (32) that the rest of the fleet uses. Her electronic countermeasures and Close-In-Weapons-System were also “Fleet Standard”. She might be functionally obsolete, but for a single “modern” warship to take her on would be like having a pit bull by the ears. Meaning you might have it where you want it, but letting go isn’t exactly high on your “to-do” list. Truthfully, the only ship that a BB fears are submarines; she can’t out run or out maneuver them. She can take a pounding, but without the ability to hit back a BB would be a sitting duck. I’m more than reasonably sure that she could tear up her own weight of metal in a fair fight, or even a not-fair fight with any other ship above the water (carriers not withstanding). And even then, if both sides are tightly controlling their EmCon conditions, it might be an even match (the carrier might get a few ships off, but the planes may not have a platform on which to return).
So there is my diatribe on “Battleship”. In hindsight I wish I had seen it in the theatre. I’ve been digging around in my old pictures (might scan and post some later) and found where I’d re-enlisted in ’91. Just forward of turret 1, where Hopper and company were standing when all the old salts walked up to offer their services. I wish I could have been one of them.
So says the Phantom Cruiser.
When I first heard that there was a movie to be released about my old ship I thought to myself “Dang, Michael Bay’s going to ruin another one…” I assumed that if I were to watch it in theatres that I’d need double hearing protection and a few shots in me to assist in the suspension of belief in order to make it through the entire movie. For these reasons I elected to skip it entirely and wait until I could watch it on Netflix.
As it happens on of the guys brought it in to work during my weekend. Note: I don’t make it a habit to goof off and watch movies while at work, but on weekends we are here for rep coverage only (no maintenance); mainly to provide backup should the fecal matter hit the oscillating/rotational cooling mechanism.
I wasn’t that thrilled to hear what had been brought in. Honestly I thought I’d much rather see “Kentucky Fried Movie” again, but that’s what was available. As I found out Michael Bay didn’t have anything to do with this project, so there’s one for the “plus” column.
It started out pretty routine, with a few comedic moments tossed in just to set the character of “Hopper”. Liam Neeson needed a haircut. I also thought it was a bit strange to see Skarsgaard walking around in the daylight (and without vampire teeth no less).
Anyway…
Aliens arrive during Rimpac exercises and chaos ensues. Finally they get around to the old girl, I haven’t seen her since they turned her into a museum, but I plan to do so this fall. For the most part (to use some Mythbusterisms) what happened was plausible, but not feasible. Mighty Mo’ took a crew of 1600 sailors. Being what this is, we can drop 600 or so from deck division (deck division motto “If it moves, salute it, if it doesn’t move, paint it). You need deck to maintain the ship, not necessarily fight it. There was also a small army (navy?) of boiler techs and machinist mates to get her moving, not to mention the unnamed myriad ratings that make up the men of a warship afloat. The “old guys” showing up to save the day says something that’s probably true. After leaving the NAVY 15 years ago, if I found myself in the position to do so (in “real-life”), I’d do it in a heartbeat (kiss the wife, tell her we got to go kick some butt, walk across the Quarterdeck and get busy.
What did it for me was the nostalgia of seeing my old ship, coupled with knowing EXACTLY where the filming was taking place whenever they were aboard. As AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” was playing, Hopper is looking down a familiar passage known to us as Broadway. From broadway you have access to all the engine rooms, boiler and fire rooms. What a keen eye would pick up on it the thing that looks suspiciously like an “I” beam running down Broadways length. That’ll be important later…
Hopper makes his way onto the bridge via the starboard bridge wing (navigators station) walks around behind the “Citadel” (round compartment with the massive armored door, out onto the port bridge wing, aft and up a ladder. From here he passes back to the starboard side (again behind the Citadel and onto the O-5 level Bridge (flying bridge) just in time to see a wave come over the bullnose. I’ve made that very same trip 100 times or more (I’ve ducked too when I was up there, they almost got the “ thump” sound right when that happens, it needed a lot more bass).
The only real problem I had was when they were moving the shell from turret 3 to turret 1 (why didn’t they go to 2, it was closer). That “I” beam I mentioned earlier? That’s why it’s there. It’s a quite simple evolution to use a nearby jib-crane to hoist the bullet (there is a sling for just that purpose) up to that I-beam and 2 guys can hustle it down Broadway to the next turret. They had mentioned that it weighed “more than 1000 lbs”; well it they were right, it does; quite a bit more, actually. That was a 2700 lb round of high explosive that they were trying to man-handle down the wrong passageway to get to the turret. It takes 6 silk bags of powder (each bag weighs 110 lbs) to lob said HE round a distance of 27 miles. To make it go that far, they’ve also got to send it to an altitude of approximately 36,000 feet.
Another slight nit-pick; the order to drop the port-side anchor to slew the ship around so her broadside could engage. I want to say that it wouldn't work like that, anymore... I say anymore because it has been done, during the Revolutionary War (I believe). I'm having a mental block as to which battle specifically, but the "turn-on-anchor" maneuver was done in naval history, and I think by John Paul Jones. When I get a chance I'll scour "them internets" to find more specifics. Dropping the anchor would be easy enough, a guy hits the "pelican" with a mallet and the jaws open to let the chain go free. Stopping the anchor is another matter entirely, it takes a team of guys on the anchor windlass to stop the movement so another poor sod can reset the pelican. The mistake in the movie is to let the chain go free, that last "shot" of chain is painted red, if the crew sees red chain coming up, a smart person would run, quickly. A "hero" would jump on the windlass to try to stop it. This happened to us on the New Jersey in '98 in Thailand, and the guy got a Navy Achievemant Medal out of it. The reason for the drama is that that much energy (the departing the chain) released would whip the chain around and beat the crap out of the foc'sul (and kill any person it touched along the way). That being said, I'm more than willing to ignore this, just because it was such a cool maneuver to pull.
I’ve heard a lot of the “haters” talk about how obsolete the old girl is. True, that her kind has been replaced by the modern carriers as the “Capital” ship of the fleet. But consider this; her armor belt is 27 ½ inches thick, as is the front bulkhead of her 16” turrets. She’s got a double hull construction, nine 16” guns that will tear the crap out of anything in range, plus the 5” gun mounts (6 barrels per side) that the movie totally ignored. The reload time of a 16” was just under 30 seconds, the 5 inchers could lay down almost 6 rounds per minute. Let’s not forget to mention that she carried the very same Harpoons (16) and Tomahawks (32) that the rest of the fleet uses. Her electronic countermeasures and Close-In-Weapons-System were also “Fleet Standard”. She might be functionally obsolete, but for a single “modern” warship to take her on would be like having a pit bull by the ears. Meaning you might have it where you want it, but letting go isn’t exactly high on your “to-do” list. Truthfully, the only ship that a BB fears are submarines; she can’t out run or out maneuver them. She can take a pounding, but without the ability to hit back a BB would be a sitting duck. I’m more than reasonably sure that she could tear up her own weight of metal in a fair fight, or even a not-fair fight with any other ship above the water (carriers not withstanding). And even then, if both sides are tightly controlling their EmCon conditions, it might be an even match (the carrier might get a few ships off, but the planes may not have a platform on which to return).
So there is my diatribe on “Battleship”. In hindsight I wish I had seen it in the theatre. I’ve been digging around in my old pictures (might scan and post some later) and found where I’d re-enlisted in ’91. Just forward of turret 1, where Hopper and company were standing when all the old salts walked up to offer their services. I wish I could have been one of them.
So says the Phantom Cruiser.
so when I do see it, I'll keep it in mind. Reading in your blog that Michael Bay isn't involved is a shock (this seems right up his alley) and encouragement to see this film without raising the blood pressure too much. 
