Humor Hell: Exothermic or Endothermic?

[Cairan]

I do not know if this question was really asked at a French university at Nanterre, but the story goes that this bonus question was asked in a Chemistry final exam:

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Almost all student answered by going along with Boyle's law. All but one, which explained his reasoning in the following manner:

First, we need to consider how Hell's mass varies over time. We need to know at what rate new souls go in and out of Hell. I think we can assume without risk of error that once a soul enters Hell, it stays in Hell. Therefore, no souls get out.

As far as the intake rate of souls in Hell goes, we need to look at the mechanisms of entry into what is considered Hell in the various religious beliefs. Most religions imply that if you are not a believer of that religion's specific God, you are Hell-bound. Since more than one religion incorporates that belief, and due to the fact that most people do not adhere to more than one religion at a time, we can project that every single soul goes to Hell over time.

Now, let's look at Hell's rate of change of volume, because Boyle's law states "for constant temperature and pressure, volume must increase proportionally" with each soul's arrival. Therefore, two possibilities arise:

1) If Hell increases in volume slower than it's soul intake, it's temperature and pressure will increase until it reaches a critical point, ultimately Plank's limit being the absolute maximum value in this Universe, which could result in a Satanist event of cosmological proportions;

2) If Hell increases in volume faster than it's soul intake, therefore it's temperature will decrease until Hell freezes over;

Which outcome is valid?

If we accept as a valid constraint the fact that my classmate Jessica has said during our freshman year that "Hell will freeze over before I have sex with you" and taking into account the numerous times we did it last night, this affirmation is now true. Hence, I am now certain that Hell has frozen over and is now in an exothermic state.

The corollary of this statement is that since Hell is now frozen over, it is now in a state in which it can no longer accept anymore souls. Hence, it has ceased to exist in the state of enormous pressure and temperature which characterizes it's accepted description. Therefore, only Paradise in the Heavens now remains, therefore proving God's ultimate victory over Satan and explaining why, last night, Jessica couldn't stop herself shouting "Ohhhh... my God!!!!"


The student got an A+. :thumbup:

 

[Ghostrider]

Hell has been remodeled many times over. Originally it was simply a vast network of boring caves that had been excavated without any real planning, but after a couple of cave-ins leading to costly lawsuits and safety complaints a complete rebuilt was finally approved (you can still visit part of old Hell which has been turned into a museum).

The Hell that everybody knows and love through the eyewitness account of its most famous visitor, the Italian literate Dante Alighieri, was the result of a massive effort aimed at providing the best tormenting experience in complete safety and at a reasonable expense: the vast underground, funnel-shaped complex hosted a variety of pain & suffering(TM) managed by professional demons who had graduated at the Beelzebub Academy of Eternal Doom and supervised by His Infernal Majesty Lou Cypher himself, whose office was at the very center-bottom of it. Heat-based and cold-based torments were available at the respective levels (circles), with wind-based ones powered by the difference in potential between the two.

However, as mankind provided unrepenting and Hell overcrowding proved to be a real concern, plans for a new structure were considered and put in action once environmental issues (due to the cooling equipment in Caina, for instance, which used a vast amount of freon gas) and safety issues (a malfunction in the reactor that was used to heat the Seventh Circle caused tons of toxic reactant to be dumped into the Phlegethon River) became serious.

After long studies had determined that souls do not possess physical sensor input and hence are not really subjected to physical pain (the eternal torment only works through spiritual feedback) it became apparent that the overly complicated and energy-intensive operation of Hell was mostly a waste of resources. Though impressive, the complex was abandoned though it's still used as a set for movies, TV shows and videogames.

Delays in the building of a new Hell (due to a complete rearrangement of Purgatory and a downsizing of Heaven due to lack of population) meant that there was no place to host damned souls, which were relocated in cheap motels throughout Wisconsin. The arrangement proved very unsatisfactory leading to protests against the most cruel and unusual punishment visited on the damned because of this. The crusade led by organizations such as the Damned League forced authorities to accelerate the construction of the new structure.

The new Hell has been designed to the most modern specifications and offers the best in psychological torment. It is expected to serve the needs of Eternal Damnation for at least a millennium. Gone are the energy-wasting eternal flames, gone are environmentally unsound frozen wastes: the modern Hell is a highly efficient machine designed to bore the dead to death through useless rote repetition of meaningless tasks in a dreary and bleak environment. It has been demonstrated to be highly effective, though complaints do exist. "It's exactly like ordinary life" a damned soul who prefers to be anonymous stated, "only more boring. Now look at me, I have spent two thousand years submerged in a river of fire up to my eyebrows and what do I do now? I stamp modules. Millions of 'em. Have no clue what they're for. We have cable TV, but it's all reruns of Beverly Hills 90210. It sucks, man."
Another, in a conspiratory voice, says: "We have put up a little club, me and some other lads. We bought our own pitchforks. Gonna put the T back in Torment."

 

[HAL9001]

wich is the mass of a soul?

 

[computerex]

This is funny, but old. I have read several variations. In one he isn't able to sustain a sexual relationship with Jessica, and so uses that to prove that hell is endothermic.

 

[Moach]

I do not know if this question was really asked at a French university at Nanterre, but the story goes that this bonus question was asked in a Chemistry final exam:

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Almost all student answered by going along with Boyle's law. All but one, which explained his reasoning in the following manner:

First, we need to consider how Hell's mass varies over time. We need to know at what rate new souls go in and out of Hell. I think we can assume without risk of error that once a soul enters Hell, it stays in Hell. Therefore, no souls get out.

As far as the intake rate of souls in Hell goes, we need to look at the mechanisms of entry into what is considered Hell in the various religious beliefs. Most religions imply that if you are not a believer of that religion's specific God, you are Hell-bound. Since more than one religion incorporates that belief, and due to the fact that most people do not adhere to more than one religion at a time, we can project that every single soul goes to Hell over time.

Now, let's look at Hell's rate of change of volume, because Boyle's law states "for constant temperature and pressure, volume must increase proportionally" with each soul's arrival. Therefore, two possibilities arise:

1) If Hell increases in volume slower than it's soul intake, it's temperature and pressure will increase until it reaches a critical point, ultimately Plank's limit being the absolute maximum value in this Universe, which could result in a Satanist event of cosmological proportions;

2) If Hell increases in volume faster than it's soul intake, therefore it's temperature will decrease until Hell freezes over;

Which outcome is valid?

If we accept as a valid constraint the fact that my classmate Jessica has said during our freshman year that "Hell will freeze over before I have sex with you" and taking into account the numerous times we did it last night, this affirmation is now true. Hence, I am now certain that Hell has frozen over and is now in an exothermic state.

The corollary of this statement is that since Hell is now frozen over, it is now in a state in which it can no longer accept anymore souls. Hence, it has ceased to exist in the state of enormous pressure and temperature which characterizes it's accepted description. Therefore, only Paradise in the Heavens now remains, therefore proving God's ultimate victory over Satan and explaining why, last night, Jessica couldn't stop herself shouting "Ohhhh... my God!!!!"


The student got an A+. :thumbup:

this guy is a GENIOUS! :rofl: -- he should receive special honors along with the A+ :lol:

---------- Post added at 11:03 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 AM ----------

wich is the mass of a soul?

21 gramms, according to the movie of the same name :hmm: